10 Things Only People Who Write Recruiting Related Content Will Understand.

The author apologizes for this post, which is both gratuitous and insulting. It adds nothing to the greater conversation, isn’t even well written enough to pass remedial English (or get into Arizona State) and will likely get him in trouble even though he doesn’t much care for it, either. What else is new?  Oh, recruiting. Never change. That’s right. You never do.

 

Have you ever had writer’s block?

Have you ever had to try to write more words out in one week than Harper Lee published in a lifetime? For, like, 10 friggin’ years?

Well, there’s hope yet. Thanks to Buzzfeed, you no longer need to actually write to create content. Next time you’re mentally constipated and have absolutely nothing to say, say it with a .gif. In case you’re, like, looking at this post on your Jitterbug during a commercial break for murder she wrote, a .gif is short for “graphical user interface.” That means it looks like a picture and acts like a picture, but it’s really a movie in disguise!

Like, holy crap. It’s the content marketing version of Optimus Prime, people.

More people still log onto MySpace every day than have ever bought a copy of the New Yorker AND the Atlantic in the history of those publications combined. Why, you ask? It’s because dynamic graphics are WAY sweeter than reading and stuff.

Like, that doesn’t even make sense as subtext, but who cares? It’s Sean friggin’ Connery as James Bond, people. That immediately establishes me as more hipster than a free range gelateria called “The Milk Moustache,” but old people who TRY to use the internet will probably like it, so gotta throw the HR ladies a bone too, I guess.

10 GIFS Every Employer Brand Needs.

Confused? Trying to populate a careers blog for a company going through mass layoffs? Trying to lead a “culture brand audit” to find out what color the energy of your company actually is while knowing there’s a pink slip in your future?

You so got this, girl.

Here are 10 totally indispensible .gifs for people who don’t want to write about their company, culture or careers, but know that they’ve got to keep the old content wheels turning (we totally get it)! What do these have to do with recruiting, recruitment marketing, employer branding, SEO, “how to create longtail SEO for recruiting content” and so forth?

10. The Key to Creating Compelling Recruiting Content…

If your response isn’t, “IDGAF, bitches,” then your soul is ready for this line of work.

9. How LinkedIn Helps Recruiters and Job Seekers.

It’s not like you had anything to say in the first place. You never do.

8. When you find out the candidate you’re phone screening actually isn’t qualified.

Kindergarten Cop is basically an HR lady if you think about it.

7. Diversity Recruiting: What the OFCCP Doesn’t Want Candidates To Know.

Diversity stuff is also a hit with the ladies.

6. How To Break Into Recruiting.

Wait, a warm body willing to accept that below market offer in that location no one except methheads, pederasts or Doomsday Preppers would ever agree to live? “Top talent.”

5. The Candidate Experience Never Gets Old.

They’ll have to pry”candidate experience” from our cold, dead hands. Too soon? #RIPCharltonHeston #GunsDontKillPeoplePeopleKillPeople #WellnessChat

4. Why SnapChat Matters for Recruiting.

Because ruining Facebook wasn’t enough for recruiters and marketers.

3. Summer Internships & Recent Grads: Have It “UR” Way.

Like those dumb ass liberal arts majors you have coming into some admin job for credit hours have any idea how to report this shit to the DoL. Hey, you survive, you’re in, kid.

2. Personal Branding Experts You Should Follow On Twitter.

Then here’s the perfect list! What? Douche was too obvious.

1. When You Write Literally The Stupidest Post Ever. #MeAF

I’m so sorry for hitting publish on this. But hey. At least I didn’t have to write! You didn’t have to read. And really, isn’t that what we both wanted?

I hate myself right now, too.